Act Like You’ve Been There Before

Act Like You’ve Been There Before. 

When was the last time you were in a position of uncertainty? How did that make you feel? 

• exposed

• uneasy

• unsure about the future 

• anxious 

• annoyed

• scared

The above words/feelings come from a general lack of understanding or uneasiness with a given circumstance/situation.

Do you know what the cure is for all of the above feelings? 

EXPERIENCE. Having been there before. Having lived through whatever situation or hardship currently faces your day to day life. 

Think about it! When you’re in a time of crisis who do you reach out to? Your parents? Your mentors? Your therapist? Your financial advisor? Your boss? Your closest friends? Someone in your industry you know and trust? An expert in whatever field your problem is positioned? 

Why do you fall back on/trust these folks to deliver advice in your time of need?

Because you know they’ve been there before. They’ve read the book, and know the ending. Their wisdom and knowledge can help guide you through your personal time of uncertainty. 

When you’ve been there before, there is a calming sensation you bring to a scenario. There is a presence and belief in the fact that you have navigated through these stormy waters and can successfully do it again.

That's powerful. That is precisely what other human beings are looking for in times of crisis and uncertainty.

That is why you want to expose yourself to as many circumstances/people/industries/experiences/companies/roles, etc, as humanly possibly. So that you can develop a mindset that always falls back on: “We’ll be fine. I’ve been here before.” 

This is also why as you ascend to higher levels of corporate leadership, the talent pool gets drastically smaller. Companies are often looking for people who have been there before. They are looking for executives who have been in a similar position, and know all of the levels of nuance that come with it. These specifics cannot be taught at a Wharton MBA program, or blogged about online (hehehe the irony!!), you have to have actually done it. 

Couple of my favorite authors talk about this phenomenon. Here are the specific passages:

James Clear in Atomic Habits: 

Hope declines with experience and is replaced by acceptance. The first time an opportunity arises, there is hope of what could be. Your expectation (cravings) is based solely on promise. The second time around, your expectation is grounded in reality. You begin to understand how the process works and your hope is gradually traded for a more accurate prediction and acceptance of the likely outcome.

Now, don’t lose hope. Don’t ever lose hope! But be aware when your lack of experience is leading to abnormal levels of hope which could be clouding your judgement. As James points out, the second time around, you’ve been there before, so there is a certain gravity of reality that is now associated with a more realistic outcome. More about this in the post, Lessons, not Losses. 

Coincidentally, the more experience you get/the more exposure you have to different situations, you will not get as high on your wins and as low on your losses. Important to understand. Tough to describe until you’ve lived through the circumstance, though!

Experience teaches you to be realistic. This is what people talk about when people are “weathered”. A weathered salesperson tries to keep themselves from getting too high on winning a deal and too low on losing one. They have years of real world expectations that come from lots of examples of being grounded by reality :).

In a perfect world, you want to find some sort of a balance between being too weathered, and not excited about anything, or (worst case scenario) having a negative mindset about everything because of previous experiences. 

You’ll find that if you’re easily excitable and generally a positive thinker/optimistic person, people are going to want to work with you and you’ll find more opportunities in life. Don’t fall into the trap of being “realistic but negative” all the time. There’s a word for that, it’s pessimistic, and it's miserable.

Jordan Peterson also talks about this in The 12 Rules to Life, specifically when he had to teach his 2 year old son a lesson:

A patient adult can defeat a two-year-old, hard as that is to believe. As the saying goes: “Old age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill.” This is partly because time lasts forever, when you’re two. Half an hour for me was a week for my son.

What perspective - that one hit home! The younger we are, the less amount of raw hours we’ve actually lived through. This sort of perspective helps describe the interaction between older, more seasoned professionals, and younger, greener folks just starting their careers. You’ve got some catching up to do.

Keep in mind, early on in your career winning and losing a deal seems life changing. Your 50 year old counterpart has been doing this for 3 decades. She’s been there before :) 

As Aristotle noted, “Youth is easily deceived because it is quick to hope.”

Aside from having the job itself, or being 85 years old and having subjected yourself to a lot of life’s lessons about relationships and work/life balance, what’s really important, loving, winning  and losing, there are ‘shortcuts’ or cheat codes you should be pursuing on your path to acting like you’ve been there before.  

1 - READ 

Reading is a vital part of the deal.

Reading helps you act as though you’ve been there before. When you read something that someone else has written, you are legitimately getting direct access to their brain and experiences! You are learning about them as a person, or how they built a business, mistakes and journeys they have been on and learned from or some form of human interaction they felt strongly enough about to put in writing!

People write books to share their experiences with you (at least nonfiction). Think about how valuable that sort of thing is.

2 - Subject yourself to as many circumstances/people/industries/experiences/companies/roles, etc, as humanly possible! 

Roll the dice, take chances. Step outside of your comfort zone for social interaction. Join that young professionals group that you don’t know anyone in. Work hard on the application and apply for that job you don’t check all the boxes for. Send that cold email to a potential mentor. Follow up and ask for the sale! 

Best time to do this is when you’re young and have little to lose. It's easy to stay in your comfort zone and only do things that you already know. Tough to grow that way though. 

3 - Fake it till you make it.

We’re all making this up as we go. Seriously! The only way to become an expert in something is to start as a beginner. 

The first time someone starts a company or is appointed CEO, they don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But they’ve put in the hours, done their homework, and are figuring it out in real time. Before you know it, 3 years has passed, and you’re starting to get pretty good at this thing. In 5 years, you’ll be great!

Same rules apply to all aspects of life.

Act like you’ve been there before, and before ya know it, you’ll have been there for years :) 

Cheers to your continued success! As always, follow itschriskeith on Twitter for more regular updates.